Lexism/Lydieism on Christmas Music

This year, now that Lydia and Lex are a bit older, the children are hearing the lyrics of they're favorite Christmas songs with a new understanding. It's been an absolute pleasure listening to their insights and when I say pleasure I mean, it's been hilarious. 

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause:

Lydia- OH. MY. GOODNESS! She's cheating on her husband with Santa! This is terrible and inappropriate! This isn't Christmasy at all! 

We Wish You a Merry Christmas:

Lex- These people are greedy and selfish. I don't like this song anymore. 

Santa Baby:

Lydia- Gees! She's flirting with Santa to get stuff! 

Do They Know It's Christmas:

Both- Turn this one off! 

Lydia- It's condescending.  

So what have we learned here? 

1. Santa is a player. 

2. Christmas time is the season for giving not demanding a really gross bread pudding. 

2. Don't tell Lydia what to do or how to feel. She'll rebel. 

Lydieism on cutlery

Lex was discussing Lydia's eating habits with great disgust. Please note that Lex is gross so if he finds the way Lydia eats to be disturbing, it certainly must be. This was their exchange:

Lex- Lydia, you totally eat like a pig. Who uses their hands instead of a fork?

Lydia- I simply do not find the fork to be necessary. Using your hands is quicker and you can just wipe them with a napkin. It makes more sense.

Lex- That is absolutely disgusting.

Lydia- I don't have to explain myself to you, you can be wrong.

Please, Lord help me make it through their youth and get them safely and sanely to adulthood. Also, let me not loose my cool and go full mommy dearest on their sweet, yet annoying behinds.

Lydiesism on Beauty

From the time Lydie was 2 she has had an obsession with all things trendy/girly. Nail art, hair styles, fashion design, makeup, you name it, Lydia watches tutorials and practices at home in the mirror. She changes clothes minimum 3x a day. She's not even 9! This week I've noticed her mind has been very style and beauty oriented so may I present a week of Lydieism's on appearance.

On Makeup

Lex: Hey Lydia, you don't have to play in makeup. You're beautiful without it.

Lydia: I know that Lex. I'm not playing in makeup to make me beautiful, I'm doing it because it's fun. I know I'm beautiful.

I'm not even mad about this one. Makeup is fun and confidence is awesomesauce. 

On Flattering Clothing

Lydia: I really wish our volleyball uniforms weren't orange. Orange doesn't compliment my skin tone very well. I have olive undertones.

Poor Lydia is an autumn. 

On Coordinating Clothing

Lydia: Hey Mom, I broke my shoes at school can you bring me another pair? If you bring the purple Nike's would you grab the blue and pink hoodie from the closet. They won't match what I'm wearing right now. If you bring the blue Vans just grab the blue and white chevron bow from the bow board and if...

Me: STAHP! I'll bring you what I can. Go back to class.

Lydia: Please don't humiliate me.

That's it. She's going barefoot all day. 

On Stretch Marks

Lydia: Hey Mommy, why is your belly so wrinkled? Oh wait, pregnancy right?

Yes darling, they're your fault. Accept some responsibility

I don't know how to raise this monster.

Lexism on Love

My son is very kind and compassionate. He loves all his friends and treats them well. This includes a cute little ginger girl who has decided Lex is, and I quote, "Her man". Yep. That's a thing. In their classroom they have a mail center where students can write each other notes. Imagine my surprise when on the second day of school our little Red-head had already sent Lex a love note.

I love lexxy! Note they're both adorably ginger.

 Aww. How sweet. Right? Apparently not. As of yesterday Lex received a second letter this time, not an expression of love but of sadness born of a broken heart. You see our little ginger girl is dismayed and second guessing Lex's affections. She fears that his heart is not hers but belongs to another. Am I being a bit dramatic? Read it for yourself. 

Translation: I love you and you love me too but only as a friend. I love you not as a friend .
You are in love not with me but with Mady.

 Mady is pictured with a happy heart while our Ginger-girl is in the back with a broken heart and Lex is marked through. It's terrifying. Now you're up to speed on the situation and can truly appreciate the following -isms: 

Lex: I don't love Mady! I don't love anybody! Not like a girlfriend.

Lydia: You just can't help it you're so handsome. All the girls want you you wittle cutie. I don't see it but whatever.

Lex: I have to respond. Mom, where is some notebook paper. I'll have to write her a letter and draw her a picture so we can all just be friends.

This obviously ended with Lydia Laughing hysterically and Lex stressing about his love triangle he didn't sign up for. 

To be fair, who could resist this fine specimen of masculinity? Eat your heart out ladies.

Lydieism's on My parenting skills

Below I've compiled some of Lydia's finest -isms on my choices as a parent. Being the opinionated monster that she is, there was no shortage of options for this post. I've raised a child who truly believes she could have raised herself better. I'm not sure if I disagree.

September 2010, 

Lydia:Mommy, you are making me feel annoyed

Me: Get used to it.

Lydia: See, that is how you make me feel annoyed

Me: Go to bed, Lyd.

Lydia: EXACTLY!

She was 4, 4 years old people.

July 2011

Lydia: What does inside-out mean

Me: It means that which is meant to be inside is outside by mistake

Lydia: Nope, you're wrong.

March 2012

Lydia: Hi Momma, You know where I've been?

Me: No baby, where?

Lydia: In my room serving a punishment, I did it myself because I touched that thing you told me not to. So don't worry about getting me in trouble. Aren't you proud of me? Now you don't have to worry about punishing me yourself.

Yes, that's exactly how it works.

July 2012

Lydia: Why does everything you watch always say BBC?

Me: Because they make better programming.

Lydia: You just wish you talked like them.

 Her view of me, though not incorrect, is somehow offensive.

January 2014 

Me: Hey Lyd, I laid clothes out for you because we over slept today.

Lydia: I had to change the jeans and shoes, but you tried

Such a patronizing child.

June 2015:

Lydia: We need to have an honest discussion about your bad habit of dancing while driving. You're a bad dancer and you have a habit of doing it anyway.

 Though her faith in my parenting abilities is low, Somehow I think she realizes my value as a mother.