Lexism's at School

Every new school year I dread open house. Will Lex end up in a classroom with a creative teacher who understands his strange little thought process? Will his teacher expect a good little soldier who fits inside the box? Will they try to have him tested for ADHD? Will this teacher have an incomprehensible attachment to Jessica Simpson music from the late 90's? There are certain things I need to know up front, these are just a few. Each year we have been blessed with a great teacher, and this year was no exception. She occasionally reads the blog (read as: I send her the link and leave her no choice but to read it) and today, contributed her own ism's. Below you will find an exact copy of the Email she sent to me with a few notated comments of my own. 

So a couple Lexism's from today and yesterday that I have to share...

I had the kids lined up ready to go to the bathroom and I said "Okay, lets hit the road Jack." Lex goes

 "Hey, I know that song!"

and proceeded to sing it throughout the entire bathroom break. 

He didn't even blink when I chimed in with "What you say!?" He just kept the flow.

*I have never been more proud of any of his accomplishments than I am at this moment. Sing whenever, wherever, all the time. That's my motto. Solid. Gold. 

Today after our math lesson he says, "All this math has made me sweat." 

I've heard kids say my head hurts or my hand is sore. But I can honestly say I have never made a kid sweat or they just didn't tell me about it! 

Just had to share those. I hope you're having a great day and I'll try to not make your son sweat any more today!

*To be fair, math makes me sweat too. It's the worst. THE WORST! 

Ism's on Future Careers, Groundhogs, and Black History Month

February has arrived and it has brought along a heap of ism's from both my children. Yes, I said a heap. With College week kicking off at school my children are dressing each day for their future. Monday was college day but obviously, I don't remember stuff on Mondays so they didn't wear their college gear. I can't be a decent mother on Monday, it's an unrealistic expectation. However, we did plan for Tuesday which happened to be career day. 

Me: What would you like to dress up as for career day tomorrow? I'm not buying anything new so you have to make it work with your closet. 

Lydia: Either a surgeon or a presidential candidate. I thought I'd make my own campaign poster! 

Lex: I can't decide between Harry Potter or a Time Lord.

Me: Lex, those are fictional characters. This is supposed to be what you plan to go to college for. 

Lex: I plan to go to Hogwarts or a TARDIS.

Apparently we need to discuss what is and is not possible in the real world. The word fiction seems to be translating into absolutely real, 100% not pretend. 

Eventually, at the very last minute, he decided to go with something a little more realistic. A professor of geology/Indiana Jones. Progress has been made. 

Lydia baker MD and Professor Baker without his trusty whip because the school has weapon policies. 

Moving right along, Tuesday also happens to be Groundhog day! Last night as we were in a Facetime call with My Grandmother in Kentucky, My Grandma explained to Lex exactly how groundhog day worked. This morning, as we traveled to school, he decided to educate his sister. 

Lex: Pennsatucky Phil is a groundhog who can predict the future. If he pops out and see's a shadow he has to go into hiding to stay safe and the weather will still be cold. 

Lydia: 1. I'm pretty sure everything you just said is absolutely wrong. 2. Why are we trusting rodents with our weather? He can't speak English or go to college. 

I'm sorry, I have nothing clever to add to this hot mess...except this:

Finally, we've begun Black history month at school and as made evident by the above post, Lex doesn't retain the finer details of anything ever. Prepare yourself for loads of inaccurate information. 

Lex: Mom, Why isn't Martin Luther King Jr on the side of that rock with the presidents heads? He was the most important president ever! 

Lydia: What is wrong with you? Martin Luther King was not a president! Mount Rushmore is for presidents. 

Lex: Oh right, he was a  civil rights leader. Where are they carved? 

Lydia: I can't even handle you right now. 

To be fair, MLK could use his own mountain side. 

I believe all this has taught me that poor Lex needs more attention at homework time. 

Lydieism on Heavenly Expectations

There are few things I know are absolutes:

1. My Frankie Valli impression is Spot. On. 

2. Living without coffee is a fate worse than death.

3. I am a terrible blogger. 

This whole remembering and planning thing, just aren't my strengths. I said all that to say I am sorry for the delay in providing you with the Lydiesm's and Lexism's you so deserve. It is your great misfortune to be unable to spend the many hours I do with these kids and the least I can do is provide you with their entertaining insights. Should you ever feel such a devastating estrangement is decreasing your quality of life, please feel free to offer your time in the form of free babysitting. 

No? Oh well, I tried. Just consider it. Keep it in the back of your mind for oh say, Valentines day or something. 

Lydia has been spending a lot of energy in creating a bucket list. So far the items on said list are:

1. Perfect the art of winged liner

2. To find a way not to die

3. Become Rory Gilmore and go to Yale

There were a few items that seemed impossible within her lifespan and one particular item became the following Lydieism. 

‪#Lydieism‬ on heavenly expectations:

Lyd- Is one direction a Christian band?

Me- No, dear. They sing pop music, not Christian music.
Lyd- oh no! I was really hoping to meet Harry in heaven. I thought I'd for sure get to meet him there, since meeting him on earth is kind of impossible. It was kind of like on my after bucket list.

Let me explain the concept of the after the bucket list. As the bucket list is intended to be a list of items you complete before you die, the after the bucket list is meant for your eternal life in heaven. Because this is how a 9 Year old girls mind works. 

Lexism/Lydieism on Christmas Music

This year, now that Lydia and Lex are a bit older, the children are hearing the lyrics of they're favorite Christmas songs with a new understanding. It's been an absolute pleasure listening to their insights and when I say pleasure I mean, it's been hilarious. 

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Clause:

Lydia- OH. MY. GOODNESS! She's cheating on her husband with Santa! This is terrible and inappropriate! This isn't Christmasy at all! 

We Wish You a Merry Christmas:

Lex- These people are greedy and selfish. I don't like this song anymore. 

Santa Baby:

Lydia- Gees! She's flirting with Santa to get stuff! 

Do They Know It's Christmas:

Both- Turn this one off! 

Lydia- It's condescending.  

So what have we learned here? 

1. Santa is a player. 

2. Christmas time is the season for giving not demanding a really gross bread pudding. 

2. Don't tell Lydia what to do or how to feel. She'll rebel. 

Lydieism on cutlery

Lex was discussing Lydia's eating habits with great disgust. Please note that Lex is gross so if he finds the way Lydia eats to be disturbing, it certainly must be. This was their exchange:

Lex- Lydia, you totally eat like a pig. Who uses their hands instead of a fork?

Lydia- I simply do not find the fork to be necessary. Using your hands is quicker and you can just wipe them with a napkin. It makes more sense.

Lex- That is absolutely disgusting.

Lydia- I don't have to explain myself to you, you can be wrong.

Please, Lord help me make it through their youth and get them safely and sanely to adulthood. Also, let me not loose my cool and go full mommy dearest on their sweet, yet annoying behinds.

Lydiesism on Beauty

From the time Lydie was 2 she has had an obsession with all things trendy/girly. Nail art, hair styles, fashion design, makeup, you name it, Lydia watches tutorials and practices at home in the mirror. She changes clothes minimum 3x a day. She's not even 9! This week I've noticed her mind has been very style and beauty oriented so may I present a week of Lydieism's on appearance.

On Makeup

Lex: Hey Lydia, you don't have to play in makeup. You're beautiful without it.

Lydia: I know that Lex. I'm not playing in makeup to make me beautiful, I'm doing it because it's fun. I know I'm beautiful.

I'm not even mad about this one. Makeup is fun and confidence is awesomesauce. 

On Flattering Clothing

Lydia: I really wish our volleyball uniforms weren't orange. Orange doesn't compliment my skin tone very well. I have olive undertones.

Poor Lydia is an autumn. 

On Coordinating Clothing

Lydia: Hey Mom, I broke my shoes at school can you bring me another pair? If you bring the purple Nike's would you grab the blue and pink hoodie from the closet. They won't match what I'm wearing right now. If you bring the blue Vans just grab the blue and white chevron bow from the bow board and if...

Me: STAHP! I'll bring you what I can. Go back to class.

Lydia: Please don't humiliate me.

That's it. She's going barefoot all day. 

On Stretch Marks

Lydia: Hey Mommy, why is your belly so wrinkled? Oh wait, pregnancy right?

Yes darling, they're your fault. Accept some responsibility

I don't know how to raise this monster.

Lexism on Love

My son is very kind and compassionate. He loves all his friends and treats them well. This includes a cute little ginger girl who has decided Lex is, and I quote, "Her man". Yep. That's a thing. In their classroom they have a mail center where students can write each other notes. Imagine my surprise when on the second day of school our little Red-head had already sent Lex a love note.

I love lexxy! Note they're both adorably ginger.

 Aww. How sweet. Right? Apparently not. As of yesterday Lex received a second letter this time, not an expression of love but of sadness born of a broken heart. You see our little ginger girl is dismayed and second guessing Lex's affections. She fears that his heart is not hers but belongs to another. Am I being a bit dramatic? Read it for yourself. 

Translation: I love you and you love me too but only as a friend. I love you not as a friend .
You are in love not with me but with Mady.

 Mady is pictured with a happy heart while our Ginger-girl is in the back with a broken heart and Lex is marked through. It's terrifying. Now you're up to speed on the situation and can truly appreciate the following -isms: 

Lex: I don't love Mady! I don't love anybody! Not like a girlfriend.

Lydia: You just can't help it you're so handsome. All the girls want you you wittle cutie. I don't see it but whatever.

Lex: I have to respond. Mom, where is some notebook paper. I'll have to write her a letter and draw her a picture so we can all just be friends.

This obviously ended with Lydia Laughing hysterically and Lex stressing about his love triangle he didn't sign up for. 

To be fair, who could resist this fine specimen of masculinity? Eat your heart out ladies.